Struggles

Ok, so I really need to get up photos and a blog about my sister's 30th b-day, but the camera is downstairs, and I'm upstairs...

Second baby, second time to go through the joy of finding out we're expecting again. Second time to go through the sickness. Second time for everything, really. I have to say that I've been struggling a bit. I don't think my struggles are unusual or anything, just new for me.

My first struggle is working through how I'm going to be a mom to TWO kids! I mean, I feel like I barely make it with ONE and in about 9 months we'll have TWO! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Phew! I feel better now! I'm sure I'll figure it out. Many have gone before us and have survived.

My biggest struggle right now is coming to terms with the care/lack-of-care I received in Hillsdale. A small town, 1 hospital, 1 OB-GYN, 1 midwife--who actually was like a 2nd OB-GYN, meaning she wasn't a very traditional midwife, but was there mainly to catch the baby. My options were limited. Yes, I could've gone to the next small town over (30 min) away, or an hour north, or 50 min to a larger area, but you know, when it's you're first you want to stick as close to home as possible because dontcha know the baby's gonna just slide right out with no warning! :) Ok, not true, but I think first time moms get a little panicky! I had been told good things about Dr. B. We had met with him numerous times when trying to get pregnant. He is very caring, compassionate, jovial, etc. I felt good going into labor/delivery with him as my dr. Until I was about a month from my due date. Oh the pressure to be induced!!!!!!! WOW! Suddenly, things changed. The dr. who was so willing to go along with whatever was not so much that way. I was told Cora was going to be over 9 lbs, by body wasn't big enough to deliver a baby that big (he obviously hadn't paid much attention to my body...), I would for sure need a C-section, on and on the pressure went. On and on we were scared into believing a C-section WOULD happen unless I was induced. Oddly enough, a C-section should've happened because I was induced. I talked to my sister and some friends and all were supportive of whatever we chose. Hindsight is, of course, always 20/20 and even at the time I knew I shouldn't go through with it, but felt I had no other choice. My induction lead to 22 hrs of PAINFUL labor. INTENSE pain, needing and epidural, an episiotomy (which I was not warned of was to happen), the vacuum being used on Cora and finally the forceps due to her heart rate plummeting (C-section probably should've been done somewhere in there!). My baby came out limp, almost lifeless and I had no idea what was going on. No apologies were given, no explanations where offered. A job was done, a baby delivered, no one died, so I guess it was a successful day. It took me a long time to even WANT to have another child for fear of this all happening again.

And now, I find myself going through pregnancy again. We have opted to use a midwife this time. I have had 1 appt thus far (mainly to get proof of pregnancy for insurance to and nail down a due date) and have already been shown more care and compassion then I did with Dr. B. I'm sick, puking, not eating much and my midwife asked if I had taken anything when pregnant with Cora? No, I said. I wasn't given the option. I was told by the dr. that his wife had survived 3 pregnancies, puking from start to finish with every one of them so I would be fine. My midwife was appalled. Needless to say, I'm on medication to help with the nausea now so I can eat and nourish myself and the wee baby. The reasons given me for being induced were apparently just excuses. I told them to my midwife and she was AGHAST at them, wondering where on earth this dr. would come up with such stuff? To have been induced before my due date was another misstep--should not have happened. Makes me wonder if there was a family vacation coming up around my due date?

I am fighting old fears right now. I'm fighting the fears I had throughout my labor/delivery with Cora. But, I feel so much more at peace with the group of midwives I am receiving care from right now. Partly, I'm sure is that I've been through it already. But, mostly, I'm convinced is because I know what to ask for, I know how to better speak my mind and God has helped me and David learn from previous experience. A hard lesson. I am overwhelmed, still, at the thoughts of what could have happened to Cora, or myself. I am overwhelmed by the ways the Lord protected both of us. It saddens me that I wasn't stronger, but I can't dwell on that and I need to move forward.

This journey with this child will be different. We're in a much better place now (physically, spiritually and emotionally) and that is so helpful. I am excited to see where the Lord takes me with this child.

UG

I feel so horrible. I'm 7 weeks and 1 day along. if I remember correctly, with Cora, that is when things really started getting going as far as the morning/all day sickness was concerned. And, it appears we're not to be disappointed this time either. This week I have been feeling significantly worse and well, I hate this part of pregnancy. This will, I'm guessing, last at least the 1st trimester, which won't end until after Christmas. We'll see from there. David and I have decided to ask a couple ladies from church to come help me 1-2 days a week. This is really hard for me to do as I don't really know anyone all that well yet, but the reality is that I can't care for Cora the way she needs to be and deserves to be right now. If you think about it, pray with us as we find someone. Pray that God will send just the right person (s) to us who will be great with Cora and whom Cora can really have fun. God is faithful through this time and it's just a part of it. One day I'll realize that I woke up and didn't need to eat NOW and I'll start realizing doing things like taking a shower isn't so bad and laborious after all! :) Oh, may that day come soon.

It's Back!

So, the HIGH hopes of not feeling totally ill and horrible with this pregnancy have been dashed and I begin the LABORIOUS process of daily figuring out what I should/can/want to eat and pray it stays down. The intense fatigue is there, and all the other weird stuff pregnancy produces. Though I am sick this time, believably I have not thrown up yet! I have come close many times but have yet to do so. I am SO thankful for this! So, that means that every small thing I get in has stayed and is nourishing me and the baby to some extent. The hardest thing for me to get down is WATER! It's so strange. If it's not ice cold forget it! I have been trying hard to sip water all day so as not to dehydrate. And, suddenly my prenatal vitamins feel like I'm swallowing a log.

Oddly enough, though I am sick, it's a different sick then with Cora. Mornings aren't AS terrible (still terrible, just not AS bad) and my worse time is from supper on. I lay as still as possible in bed and though I know he's not, it feels as though my husband is making every possible effort to move the bed as much as possible! :) I am also VERY weepy this pregnancy. With Cora I kept waiting, but hardly ever had a meltdown. Now, though, I feel like I am or could be crying every few minutes at ANYthing. I have also been very motion sensitive this time around. I feel, almost all day, that I'm on a tilt-a-whirl. Not fun.

I'm SO thankful not to be working outside the home full-time this time around. I truly can't help but wonder if this is why I'm not AS sick. Cora and I can play quietly in the house and if I don't get a shower, oh well! :) I have also come to realize the true miracle of birth: after feeling so horrible with Cora I'm pregnant again and going through it all again. In my lowest moments it doesn't feel worth it, but the reality is that it is ALL worth it when you get to hold your little one for the first time. That, folks, is the true miracle!

The Ol' Bait and Switch

You know what bait and switch is--you are given a great product for a great price and then when it comes time to deliver, oops! We can't actually do that! SUCKER!!!!! Well, that's exactly what has happened to us! David has bad wanted an iPhone since they came out, so I finally relented (actually, I really didn't care) and he got one. Since the only place you can buy one is at AT&T we figured we'd also get our internet through them. Enter "bait." We were told we could get a certain speed of internet, that's what we bought and for a month now we have waited for this to actually happen--enter "switch." We were FINALLY told this past Sunday that, "sorry, we actually can't deliver what we promised." So, that afternoon David set us up withe Roadrunner (Time Warner) and Monday cancelled our stuff with AT&T--minus the iPhone! :) I'm tellin' ya folks! This just shouldn't happen, and I really have no remorse sharing the company's name on my blog!

Things 1 AND 2, a Mermaid and a Kitty Cat

David, Cora and I headed down to my sister and BIL's house/neighborhood last week to do trick-or-treating in their neighborhood. I had come up with a (ahem) brilliant idea to had my nephew and Cora dress up as Thing 1 and Thing 2 from "The Cat in the Hat" book. I had wanted my eldest niece to be The Cat in the Hat but she refused (it's a boy costume, apparently) and our littlest niece be the goldfish. But! though we didn't have all the characters we did have Things 1 & 2 and they were pretty darn cute! And, my nieces were adorable and beautiful too! :) Thanks to my sister for creating the costumes! She is a brilliant one too and far more creative than I! So, without further ado...

Thing 1

Thing 2

The beautiful mermaid--my niece is VERY creative too! She gets this after her Momma!

Meow! 

Is she not adorable????? How can you NOT love this little one? 

Thing 1 and Thing 2 in their full get up. My sister found blue hair spray paint that we used in place of a wig! :) We were asked often through out the night if they were twins. Nope! Just cousins, 7 months apart! :) The kiddoes quickly caught on to what was happening when we went up to houses. :) 

Isn't she gorgeous??? I just love her!

Do ya think she's changing?

November 2009--Cora, still a baby, only 7months old

October 2010-- Cora, no longer a baby, 1 year and 7 months old. Where has the time gone?

Hardin News!

We'll let Cora tell you our big news!

That's right! We are expecting baby #2 sometime late spring/early summer! I need to find a midwife  and all that sort of thing, so I don't have an exact due date yet! I'll let you know when I do!

Ok, so I hope this photo isn't Cora's REAL emotion about her becoming a big sister! :)  No, this was taken after many tries of getting her to sit still, have the letters show, and have a smile. Apparently, she's had enough! :)  We have taught her to say "baby" and have shown her where the baby is (Mommy's tummy). She's got that down pat! :)