My husband was without work for 2 years. It was a long 2 years full of downs and some ups. It was a 2-year testing of our faith with a lot of questioning. Because my husband is a pastor he went to a lot of interviews with churches--for anything from youth pastor jobs to senior pastor jobs. He also did countless interviews with secular jobs from Stanley Steemer (which we found out is 100% commission, who knew???) to working for phone companies. At the end of his job search process he was called to go to 2 interviews. One was for a youth pastor job in the town he had grown up in and the other was for the job he has now. The interviews were on the same weekend and we knew it was going to be nuts, but were also so excited about the possibilities!
He goes to the first interview on Friday night at the church in his hometown. (To protect the "innocent" I won't tell you what church or denomination it was, because let's face it, we hope this interview is not typical!) He arrives to the interview and sits down with the search committee--did I mention this is for a youth pastor position? He introduces himself and no one else introduces themselves. WHAT???? Straaaaaaaannnnnnnnge!!! He has no idea who the members of the committee are, their positions in the church, let alone their names! He is asked a list of questions, none of which has ANYTHING to do with his spiritual life, his stance on theology, or even if he IS a Christian. They were very surface questions. He asked them a few theological questions, but could tell they thought this odd. There was a youth member on the committee and her burning question was to know my husband's view of people having tattoos. Really??? This is what you're most concerned with? It was a really short interview, needless to say! He drives the 30 minute drive back to his dad's house and we wait.
I was on the computer and noticed that about 5 minutes (NOT kidding!) after David gets home we get a new email. It was from the church he had just had the interview with and they were offering him the job. WHAT???? Never mind this was the first encounter he'd had with the church--typically you meet with a church 2-3 times before a decision is made. He didn't get any opportunity to talk to the head pastor (whom he'd be working closely with), nor did he know where the church stood on different issues, what they were even looking for in a youth minister. The church had not even bothered to check his references!!!!! WHAT???? So much head-scratching ensued on our part! There are so many red flags here it's hard to list them all. The least of which being why on earth a church wouldn't check the references of a person about to be with the youth--not a good idea!
We tried hard not to panic. David would be getting paid hardly anything, with no benefits, which meant I would certainly HAVE to work outside the home. We had so many misgivings about this. Thankfully, I have a wise husband and he kindly replied to the pastor that we would have to talk and pray and we would let him know the following week. We went to bed almost begging the Lord that after 2 years of no job this was NOT the one, but also knowing we had to trust.
Thankfully, the interview the next day went MUCH better, no red flags and a HUGE green light from the Lord telling us this was the direction he had for us. But, the interview the evening prior will always be one that makes us chuckle...
What strange interviews have you had?
Showing posts with label church life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church life. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Woman Behind the Man
I have been getting more and more into the blog world since I'm not stuck to a computer for work reasons any longer. I have been finding great encouragement from one blog in particular called Clutch. It's geared toward pastor's wives, missionary wives, basically the women who's husbands are in ministry in some way. It's a good blog--challenging, encouraging, and informative. As with any resource I take it as just that, a resource. I in no way agree with every single thing said, but rather use it as a resource and take parts. (I do this with parenting books, cook books, basically any resource other than Scripture.) This blog has really made me think about a lot of things from my seat in the sanctuary to what I should be doing to minister in church myself. They have a lot of guest bloggers, and I really enjoy reading what other women have to say about being the woman behind the man, so to speak. It's nice to know I'm not alone in different struggles, and it's nice to see others take a humorous look at things like I do! :)
In any case, I have been thinking about my husband's calling and how it affects our family. I have mentioned a lot that David does a great job at balancing church with family. It takes work, but it's work we feel is important. Churches come and go, but our family will always be here and well, isn't that worth preserving? I have been thinking about the sad situations where pastors leave ministry because of family reasons, usually centering around issues the wife may have. Now, let me just stay right now I am NOT talking about a woman with real, unsurmountable issues, mental, emotional, etc. which require her husband to take a step back to help his wife get through these things. I could very easily be that wife if I were not getting counseling right now. No, I'm talking about the wife who's issues are centered around selfishness. Selfishness that soon overpowers her and creates heart ache for her husband and ultimately prevents him from doing his job, from filling his call to ministry.
The man who is called to be in ministry has been specially called, I do believe. Yes, all Christians are "ministers" in some regard, but I truly believe that the man (or woman) who is called to shepherd, lead and guide God's people has a special and hard calling on his life and heaven forbid we, as wives, get in the way of that! There have been plenty of times when I have wished we could have a "real" weekend like everyone else. There have been plenty of times when I have wanted to make Christmas or Easter plans without having to work around church services. There have been plenty of times when I've been totally annoyed when the phone rings during family time and we're interrupted by whatever the person is calling about. However, I know this is what my husband has been called to do and quite frankly, for me to react selfishly is, well, wrong. I knew full well that he wanted to be a pastor when I married him. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew I was called to marry David and God would help me figure the rest out. I am called to be the woman behind the man. I am called to be a woman who supports her husband, to be his biggest fan, to be his cheerleader. I'm called to love him and encourage him, and I would hope I would do that regardless of his line of work.
I have come to see just how much influence I, as the wife, can have on my husband--for good and bad. There have been several times during our marriage I have had to apologize for not being a better support, for not being a better helpmeet. I am ashamed to say that, but it's true. Look at the wives/women in Scripture who had influence on their husband/man--Sarah, Rachel, Leah, Rebekah, Delilah. It didn't turn out so well for them. Rather than being a submissive woman they tended to manipulate their husbands in directions that met their own needs rather then letting their husbands do what was best. I do not want to be that wife. I do not want to be the puppeteer. I do not want to be the controlling factor to my husband. It's not how God set things up and like it or not, I need to remember that!
During our time of unemployment I saw first hand just how much my husband felt his calling. No, I never doubted it before that time, but I saw just how strong it was on him. For a while I simply wanted him to get a job, any job, but over time I saw this was not going to be good for him. He was called to do more then a "regular" job. He has been called to lead God's people in a different way. I changed my tune and did all I could to encourage him to not forget the calling God had placed on him and to not give up looking for a church to serve. When things were at their bleakest I knew God had a church for us, because I knew God had called David to be a pastor. I saw just how miserable my husband would be if he were not in the pulpit on a weekly basis. Why? Because it's what God had called him to do. And, when we're not doing what God has called us to do we can be pretty miserable.
And so, with those rambling thoughts, I am proud to be the woman behind this man. I'm proud to be a pastor's wife because I know this pastor is doing exactly what he's supposed to be doing and therefore my life is right where it needs to be. Does this make things easy? Heavens no! But, it gives me a foundation and a focal point. It helps me during those times of annoyance or family-time interruption to remember that this is what God has called David to, and ultimately our family, and I need to be behind my man, keep my mouth shut and pray for him to make good decisions for the church and our family. I need to not let my selfishness get in the way of his calling. I need to remember God has placed a special mark on my husband and as his wife I need to do everything I can to preserve him and his reputation. I need to be a woman whom he can be proud of at the end of the day because he knows I was behind him 100%.
And, now that I have said all of this you just know I'll be tested! :)
In any case, I have been thinking about my husband's calling and how it affects our family. I have mentioned a lot that David does a great job at balancing church with family. It takes work, but it's work we feel is important. Churches come and go, but our family will always be here and well, isn't that worth preserving? I have been thinking about the sad situations where pastors leave ministry because of family reasons, usually centering around issues the wife may have. Now, let me just stay right now I am NOT talking about a woman with real, unsurmountable issues, mental, emotional, etc. which require her husband to take a step back to help his wife get through these things. I could very easily be that wife if I were not getting counseling right now. No, I'm talking about the wife who's issues are centered around selfishness. Selfishness that soon overpowers her and creates heart ache for her husband and ultimately prevents him from doing his job, from filling his call to ministry.
The man who is called to be in ministry has been specially called, I do believe. Yes, all Christians are "ministers" in some regard, but I truly believe that the man (or woman) who is called to shepherd, lead and guide God's people has a special and hard calling on his life and heaven forbid we, as wives, get in the way of that! There have been plenty of times when I have wished we could have a "real" weekend like everyone else. There have been plenty of times when I have wanted to make Christmas or Easter plans without having to work around church services. There have been plenty of times when I've been totally annoyed when the phone rings during family time and we're interrupted by whatever the person is calling about. However, I know this is what my husband has been called to do and quite frankly, for me to react selfishly is, well, wrong. I knew full well that he wanted to be a pastor when I married him. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew I was called to marry David and God would help me figure the rest out. I am called to be the woman behind the man. I am called to be a woman who supports her husband, to be his biggest fan, to be his cheerleader. I'm called to love him and encourage him, and I would hope I would do that regardless of his line of work.
I have come to see just how much influence I, as the wife, can have on my husband--for good and bad. There have been several times during our marriage I have had to apologize for not being a better support, for not being a better helpmeet. I am ashamed to say that, but it's true. Look at the wives/women in Scripture who had influence on their husband/man--Sarah, Rachel, Leah, Rebekah, Delilah. It didn't turn out so well for them. Rather than being a submissive woman they tended to manipulate their husbands in directions that met their own needs rather then letting their husbands do what was best. I do not want to be that wife. I do not want to be the puppeteer. I do not want to be the controlling factor to my husband. It's not how God set things up and like it or not, I need to remember that!
During our time of unemployment I saw first hand just how much my husband felt his calling. No, I never doubted it before that time, but I saw just how strong it was on him. For a while I simply wanted him to get a job, any job, but over time I saw this was not going to be good for him. He was called to do more then a "regular" job. He has been called to lead God's people in a different way. I changed my tune and did all I could to encourage him to not forget the calling God had placed on him and to not give up looking for a church to serve. When things were at their bleakest I knew God had a church for us, because I knew God had called David to be a pastor. I saw just how miserable my husband would be if he were not in the pulpit on a weekly basis. Why? Because it's what God had called him to do. And, when we're not doing what God has called us to do we can be pretty miserable.
And so, with those rambling thoughts, I am proud to be the woman behind this man. I'm proud to be a pastor's wife because I know this pastor is doing exactly what he's supposed to be doing and therefore my life is right where it needs to be. Does this make things easy? Heavens no! But, it gives me a foundation and a focal point. It helps me during those times of annoyance or family-time interruption to remember that this is what God has called David to, and ultimately our family, and I need to be behind my man, keep my mouth shut and pray for him to make good decisions for the church and our family. I need to not let my selfishness get in the way of his calling. I need to remember God has placed a special mark on my husband and as his wife I need to do everything I can to preserve him and his reputation. I need to be a woman whom he can be proud of at the end of the day because he knows I was behind him 100%.
And, now that I have said all of this you just know I'll be tested! :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Just Breathe
I have been struggling with a lot of dizziness in this pregnancy. It has been concluded that it's my sinuses and thankfully NOT my blood pressure, as I have been very worried it was. Sunday was the worse day I've had so far. I was so upset because all of my friends were here, I just wanted to make them some cinnamon rolls and give them a tour of the church. I wanted to be the proud pastor's wife sitting the pew supporting her husband and all I could do was walk from A to B without falling over--literally. I was literally holding on to walls to walk. I should not have gone to church, but I forced myself. I mean, I had already missed last week with Cora and I being sick, and I didn't feel I could miss again. I started crying before service even started, Sherry and I went to David's office where I sat on the couch. We talked a bit I started to calm down and figured if was sitting on a couch I could sit in a pew. I made it through the service (which was really good!) and then it was time to be sociable. People could tell I was not doing well and all I wanted to do was leave. Not because I was upset, but simply because I didn't want to pass out right there at the church. David saw things were not good, my friends had already planned to leave right after church and we left shortly after. I'm so thankful David didn't have meeting that day!!!
Why do I tell you all of this? Because of what didn't happen. Well, I didn't pass out, but that's just the side issue. What didn't happen was this: no on got mad/upset/offended that David chose to be a husband that day, his busiest day of the week. I was free to be sick, my husband was free to be a husband and it was OK for us to leave right away. It was OK for us to be a family unit. We had not experienced that in our previous church. We never felt the freedom to be a family first and that is sad. However, God is redeeming that and as different things happen in our family (good and hard) we see more and more this place God has brought us is a place of health and healing and we just need to breathe.
Why do I tell you all of this? Because of what didn't happen. Well, I didn't pass out, but that's just the side issue. What didn't happen was this: no on got mad/upset/offended that David chose to be a husband that day, his busiest day of the week. I was free to be sick, my husband was free to be a husband and it was OK for us to leave right away. It was OK for us to be a family unit. We had not experienced that in our previous church. We never felt the freedom to be a family first and that is sad. However, God is redeeming that and as different things happen in our family (good and hard) we see more and more this place God has brought us is a place of health and healing and we just need to breathe.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
To Follow Up
So, my post yesterday was about pastors and how they don't work just one day a week. They can often work 7 days a week for weeks at a time. It can put a strain on the pastor's family, but these weeks don't happen all the time (at least not for us, because my husband makes it a point to be sure it doesn't). How appropriate that I would write that blog yesterday. You see, yesterday, upon my husband getting to work (the church) he gets 2 phone calls within 5 minutes of each other telling him of 2 church members who passed away during the night. This means, he will more than likely be working 7 days this week, long days, days filled with sorrow, extra planning and trying to be a comfort to those families. Can my husband do it? Of course he can!!!!! I know he's able, this is part of the ministry God has called him to. Will he be tired when all is said and done? YES! Of course he will! Will he complain at all about it? Absolutely NOT!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Only One Day a Week
When we lived in MI I was at a store shopping for some clothes, and a lady from the church saw me and asked me how things were going--I think at the time I was trying to find a better job to help meet our financial needs, though I can't remember. In any case, she told me about subbing in the school system and if I was interested to let her know because it was her job to call subs. I was appreciative and said I would keep it in mind. Before I could walk away she asked if David would like to do subbing too? I said, no he was pretty busy during the week. The lady's response was "interesting," befuddling, and I guess sad. She said, "What can he be busy with? He only works on Sunday!" Wow. I had always heard the jokes about a pastor only working one day a week but had not encountered anyone who actually believed it! I started to laugh, thinking she was joking, and when I realized she was not joking I proceeded to run down a list of things that David did during the week to keep busy--prepare for Sunday morning and evening worship, mid-week worship, hospital visitation, home visits, continuing education, etc. Her eyes kinda glazed over, and I kinda wondered if she thought I was making it up. I went home scratching my head, and I suppose she probably did too.
So, what does a pastor do during the week? The list is endless, really. And, Sunday isn't always the busiest day of the week, interestingly enough! I can't speak for all pastors, though I figure it's pretty much the same across the board. And, the size of the church and amount of staff members a church has also determines just how much needs to be done, but I assure you the pastor is busy! The interesting thing about a pastor is he/she may have a weekly agenda for the same things that need to get done each week, but a funeral or wedding, or other crisis in the church can really make the week take a totally different direction. My husband takes Friday and Saturday off so we have 2 days in a row to be a family and get stuff done around the house. This means he gets his sermon done before Friday and gets all other pastoral duties done before then too. However, there are the times when a member of the church dies and he has to take a different direction to his week.
Sermons don't write themselves, a master's or doctorate doesn't happen overnight, decisions aren't made on a whim. These things take time and these things are all part of your pastor's job and calling. Your pastor is a man/woman who works very hard, and carries the weight of at least the congregation on their shoulders. If your pastor jokes about how he/she "only works one day a week" it's OK to laugh because you know better than that!
So, what does a pastor do during the week? The list is endless, really. And, Sunday isn't always the busiest day of the week, interestingly enough! I can't speak for all pastors, though I figure it's pretty much the same across the board. And, the size of the church and amount of staff members a church has also determines just how much needs to be done, but I assure you the pastor is busy! The interesting thing about a pastor is he/she may have a weekly agenda for the same things that need to get done each week, but a funeral or wedding, or other crisis in the church can really make the week take a totally different direction. My husband takes Friday and Saturday off so we have 2 days in a row to be a family and get stuff done around the house. This means he gets his sermon done before Friday and gets all other pastoral duties done before then too. However, there are the times when a member of the church dies and he has to take a different direction to his week.
Sermons don't write themselves, a master's or doctorate doesn't happen overnight, decisions aren't made on a whim. These things take time and these things are all part of your pastor's job and calling. Your pastor is a man/woman who works very hard, and carries the weight of at least the congregation on their shoulders. If your pastor jokes about how he/she "only works one day a week" it's OK to laugh because you know better than that!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
How Nice
Over the weekend I thought I would host a Tupperware party. I had attended one back in January and thought it would be a good way for me to get to know some of the ladies at church better, get some free product and also break up the winter a bit. I had 10 ladies come (my mom, MIL, aunt and sister were in the crowd too!) and we had such a nice time. Now, I suppose some would say it was a risky move not inviting every single woman from church, but I say, at this church I don't think it was a big deal. I invited the women I have gotten to know a little, who have been working with Cora in the nursery, etc and figured it was OK. You know what? I really do believe it was! We had so much fun. I felt a part of them and not just the pastor's wife. It was nice to be a part of the group and not feel set apart because my husband is the pastor. We had a great time laughing and joking and just being women ooing and ahhing over Tupperware. What a nice change.
At our previous church I would have felt obligated (force, even) to make sure to have every single woman invited because if I didn't it would have most certainly come back to get me or David. It would've been just another "thing" for the trouble-makers to use against us and so I just didn't do things like this at our other church. The closest I came (and caught much flack for it!) was I led a woman's Bible study every Wednesday night. And, no matter how many times it was announced from the pulpit that any and all women were welcome I was told it wasn't nice to have a study just for a select group of my favorites. Really? I tell you this not to dwell on the past, but to show you just how nice it was to have something and not worry about how this will come back to bite us in the butt later on.
I continue to praise the Lord for his bringing us here and continue to marvel at this RICH blessings.
At our previous church I would have felt obligated (force, even) to make sure to have every single woman invited because if I didn't it would have most certainly come back to get me or David. It would've been just another "thing" for the trouble-makers to use against us and so I just didn't do things like this at our other church. The closest I came (and caught much flack for it!) was I led a woman's Bible study every Wednesday night. And, no matter how many times it was announced from the pulpit that any and all women were welcome I was told it wasn't nice to have a study just for a select group of my favorites. Really? I tell you this not to dwell on the past, but to show you just how nice it was to have something and not worry about how this will come back to bite us in the butt later on.
I continue to praise the Lord for his bringing us here and continue to marvel at this RICH blessings.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Baby Steps
Have you every seen the movie, "What About Bob?" Omigoodness! It's hilarious and one of my favorites! When I was in college and working on my psych minor this movie was even more hilarious! The overall theme is for Bob (the patient) to learn to take "baby steps" to get over all of his fears. He has a fear of going outside. So, rather than thinking of just going outside, he's to take baby steps to the door; baby steps through the door; baby steps to the elevator, and on and on. You get the idea. I couldn't help but think about Bob today and how his doctor's advice of taking baby steps was very appropriate for me right now.
Having come from a very dysfunctional, very abusive church where my husband was pastor caused me to fear. To be afraid of the women in the our current, healthy church. To fear that someone, anyone, would come up to me or David and yell at us for no reason and make us feel as small as insects. To fear that if we came home from a weekend trip away we would find our belongings out on the curb. To fear that at any given moment someone would come pound on the door and tell us David was fired and to be out by morning. God mercifully took us out of that situation and in His grace and mercy has placed us in a church that is giving us healing. However, I still have some of those fears. As I've mentioned before I'm seeing a counselor to work through this stuff. I've met with her twice and have already felt the healing power of just getting that stuff out. I am feeling ready to start taking baby steps again in this new church.
You see, I grew up in church, my parents were missionaries, and church has always been a very important thing to me. I was brought up that if you're a believer in Christ you are not merely to take up room on the pew, but figure out where/how God wants to use you in that church. Where can you be of service, what can you help out with? This means figuring out your spiritual gifts and then acting on them for the benefit of the body, as Scripture tells us. When we started serving at our previous (and first place of ministry as husband and wife) church I came into it with all of this upbringing in mind. There was a lot that needing doing at this church and when I saw a need, and it was something I knew I could do, I did it. I always made sure there was no one else who wanted to fill the need, always made sure I wasn't stepping on toes. This included doing the weekly bulletin (that NO ONE wanted to do), the Sunday morning announcements (again, that NO ONE wanted to do) and other things like leading vacation Bible school. What I didn't realize at the time, but see now, was the trouble-makers in the church were setting me up. What I saw as simply serving in the church and moving out of my spot on the pew, others saw as prime ways of setting me up to fulfill their agenda. It all boiled down to them letting people know that because I was doing the announcements on Sunday morning (remember, that NO ONE else wanted to do, despite our almost weekly asking) I was trying to take over the church and run it--no lie, those very words were spoken to us. Sigh. This really hurt me at the time and still stings a bit now. I truly was just trying to do my part in serving the church but apparently the screaming minority wanted to use that for their own thing.
I say all this to bring me to this point: this past Sunday I took my first baby step to getting back into serving in church. I was the liturgist for the morning. I loved it! It felt so good to be doing something again. I know it may not seem like a huge thing, and really in a lot of ways it wasn't, but it WAS a baby step. Slowly but surely my wall is being broken down and is crumbling around me. For this, I am thankful. I have been in much prayer the last few months that God would be showing me ways to go about serving in our current church. To show me where there are voids and where I can use my gifts to serve the body.
Baby steps, that's all it takes. Just baby steps!
Having come from a very dysfunctional, very abusive church where my husband was pastor caused me to fear. To be afraid of the women in the our current, healthy church. To fear that someone, anyone, would come up to me or David and yell at us for no reason and make us feel as small as insects. To fear that if we came home from a weekend trip away we would find our belongings out on the curb. To fear that at any given moment someone would come pound on the door and tell us David was fired and to be out by morning. God mercifully took us out of that situation and in His grace and mercy has placed us in a church that is giving us healing. However, I still have some of those fears. As I've mentioned before I'm seeing a counselor to work through this stuff. I've met with her twice and have already felt the healing power of just getting that stuff out. I am feeling ready to start taking baby steps again in this new church.
You see, I grew up in church, my parents were missionaries, and church has always been a very important thing to me. I was brought up that if you're a believer in Christ you are not merely to take up room on the pew, but figure out where/how God wants to use you in that church. Where can you be of service, what can you help out with? This means figuring out your spiritual gifts and then acting on them for the benefit of the body, as Scripture tells us. When we started serving at our previous (and first place of ministry as husband and wife) church I came into it with all of this upbringing in mind. There was a lot that needing doing at this church and when I saw a need, and it was something I knew I could do, I did it. I always made sure there was no one else who wanted to fill the need, always made sure I wasn't stepping on toes. This included doing the weekly bulletin (that NO ONE wanted to do), the Sunday morning announcements (again, that NO ONE wanted to do) and other things like leading vacation Bible school. What I didn't realize at the time, but see now, was the trouble-makers in the church were setting me up. What I saw as simply serving in the church and moving out of my spot on the pew, others saw as prime ways of setting me up to fulfill their agenda. It all boiled down to them letting people know that because I was doing the announcements on Sunday morning (remember, that NO ONE else wanted to do, despite our almost weekly asking) I was trying to take over the church and run it--no lie, those very words were spoken to us. Sigh. This really hurt me at the time and still stings a bit now. I truly was just trying to do my part in serving the church but apparently the screaming minority wanted to use that for their own thing.
I say all this to bring me to this point: this past Sunday I took my first baby step to getting back into serving in church. I was the liturgist for the morning. I loved it! It felt so good to be doing something again. I know it may not seem like a huge thing, and really in a lot of ways it wasn't, but it WAS a baby step. Slowly but surely my wall is being broken down and is crumbling around me. For this, I am thankful. I have been in much prayer the last few months that God would be showing me ways to go about serving in our current church. To show me where there are voids and where I can use my gifts to serve the body.
Baby steps, that's all it takes. Just baby steps!
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