36 Weeks

I'm 36 weeks today--1 more week and I'll be full-term!!! I had my midwife appt today and all is fine and dandy. I feel terrible, but thankfully my BP is fine and the baby's heart rate is perfect. I'm also measuring right at 36 weeks, so that's good too! My midwife seems to think I won't be pregnant much longer, but I have come to decide that picking the day a baby will come is like picking the day Christ will return! I think only GOD knows the real day of the baby's arrival. :) My Braxton Hicks are getting a little more "biting," but this is totally normal. I've also reached the point where I go to my midwife every week until the baby comes. So...guess I should get the hospital bag packed and the rest of the baby stuff done! :)

A Day of Hard Work

For weeks now we've been trying to get the rest of our yard fenced in. We had scheduled a work day in April--which didn't work--so we rescheduled and that didn't work (due to David and I spending the night in the hospital because of my contractions). Soooooo, we FINALLY were able to get it done on Saturday! The plan was to get the fence done and also get my washer and dryer moved from the basement up to an area in the kitchen. The fence got done, but the washer/dryer will need to get done later (hopefully this week). After learning that this week is going to be in the high 80s and 90s we opted to skip the washer/dryer, and David had my dad help him get a window A/C unit installed in our room. Our room is upstairs and it gets HOT up there! It's been hot with just mid-70s weather so we knew anything higher and we'd be miserable. I'm so thankful for the work my dad and husband did. It'll be great not have to chain the dog up anymore (and untangle her 1000 times a day!), and it'll also help Cora learn boundaries a bit better. 

Front of the backyard...from garage to back porch (door we use all the time)

Back of backyard (behind garage)

While the men were doing their thing, my mom and I were sorting through all of the baby clothes we've been given. Not only did we get tons at the shower, but I've also been given a ton of hand-me-downs. We found all of the newborn-3 month and Mom washed and folded them. The rest were set aside to be used later! Because I had so many hand-me-downs I got rid of some that I knew I wouldn't use. Mom knows of a family who will be able to use them, so that's great! I think we're getting there! 

We still need to put the crib together, buy a mattress for the crib and get the bedding all set. I need to put all the baby clothes AWAY, wash the bottles (just in case nursing doesn't go well) and buy a few odds and ends. After getting all this done I have this horrible feeling/thought that the baby will decide he's plenty happy inside and will be "late!" Oh, I really hope not...

From "My Utmost for His Highest"

GOD'S SAY-SO
"He hath said...so that we may boldly say..." Hebrews 13:56


My say-so is built on God's say-so. God says--"I will never leave thee," then I can with good courage say--"The Lord is my helper, I will not fear--" I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants. Faith in many a one falters when the apprehensions come; they forget the meaning of God's say-so, forget to take a deep breath spiritually. The only way to get the dread taken out o us is to listen to God's say-so.

What are you dreading? you are not a coward about it,  you are gong to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say--"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." Are you learning to say things after listening to God, or are you saying things and trying to make God's word fit in? Get hold of the Father's say-so, and then say with good courage--"I will not fear." It does not matter what evil or wrong may be in the way, He has said--I will never leave thee."

Frailty is another thing that gets in between God's say-so and ours. When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so--"I will in no wise fail you." Have we learned to sing after hearing God's key-note? Are we always possessed with the courage to say--"The Lord is my helper," or are we succumbing?

O Lord, speak to me now. Inspire me for today; dulness, deep and devastating, seems to hold fast to my powers. 

A Shout Out!

I have thought many times since becoming a mother how thankful I am that I'm not a single mom. I know a few women who have been, or are currently, single moms, and I just don't know how they do it on a daily basis. During both of my pregnancies I don't know how I would have gotten through them without David. When Cora was born (and I'm sure it'll be the same with her brother) I would have been totally lost without him. During the day I suppose I'm a bit of a single parent. I mean, David's not here, he's at work. However, the difference is that I always know he'll be home at supper time and there are days that just knowing this simple truth gets me through the day.

So, to all of you single moms--past or present--good job to you! I know you don't have it easy, and I know you're doing the best you can! Press on!!

11 Years Ago

This May marks 11 years of being out of college. Really? How is this even possible? I seriously often think it's been just a year, or 2, or maybe even just 5, but not ELEVEN! Where has that time gone? When I graduated college I was bright-eyed and ready to start my job at a food service company, with thoughts of moving up through the ranks, using my college education to get me there. I worked for this company as an assistant manager for about 3 months and due to health reasons and also financial reasons on the company's part left there and started looking for something else. Thus began my time as a member of cubeville! I spent 2 years overseas as a missionary in Cameroon, Africa. After my time in Cameroon I had to look for another job, took a temp job, which then led me to one of my favorite places to work. It wasn't so much the work I loved but rather my coworkers. I'm still close friends with a lot of them! During my time at this job I started to wonder what God had next for me? I didn't see myself living forever in corporate America, although if that's what God wanted for me then I was OK with it. I started to think I would just be single and find a cute place to live and go from there.

Truth be told, I was SO thankful the Lord didn't have any of those in mind for me. He brought along my dashingly handsome husband, we have lived in MI and now back to OH. We've been through a lot of downs and many ups. We have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. We own our own home, are involved in a great church, love the community we live in and well, life has been good. A lot has happened in the 11 years since I graduated from college. I love looking back at all the things God has brought me through and the different lessons he has taught me.

What have the last 11 years looked like for you?

35 Weeks

Taken at my baby shower on Sunday. My shirt is compliments of my mom and sister and is so nice and cool for the weather that's heating up!

I'm 35 weeks today, yeah! I have 2 more weeks to keep this baby inside so it's safe for him to be born. "Safe" meaning, no time in NICU, less chance of complications, etc. Even though it's "only" 2 more weeks it seems an eternity to me right now. I'm still having contractions, though nothing too drastic, for which I'm thankful. I know this baby will come when he's ready, and I'm just praying he comes when God says it's time, even if that time is before 37 weeks. I have to chuckle at the thought that after all this worry, laying low and taking it easy he may just think it's nicer to stay inside and could end up being late! Oh, I sure hope not!!! 

I find myself struggling a lot with fear and anxiety.  I believe some of this is normal, because let's be honest, the idea and thought of labor/delivery is NOT fun or pleasant and there's a lot of pain involved and unknowns. But, I find that my fear is more related to the fear of not wanting things to happen the way they did with Cora. There was so much uncertainty, no control, unnecessary measures taken that became necessary due to being induced. It was all so nuts and chaotic when I look back on it. I'm scared of the same thing happening. However, I know it won't happen that way. Why? Well, for starters I won't be induced (unless absolutely medically necessary) and that's the change. Because I won't be induced all the unnecessary things that became necessary won't happen. I was sharing my fear with David and he said this to me, "I know you can do it. You know why? Because you did it with Cora and this time won't be so horrible." Pray for me if you think about it. Fear is something that I seem to struggle with the most in life and it's starting to hit me pretty hard right now. 

But, YEAH! I'm 35 weeks!!!! 

Showered with Blessings

Our church threw me a baby shower yesterday. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad I felt OK enough to go! I had told David on Saturday that I could not do both church and the shower, so we decided it was best to go to the shower. I slept all morning and got up in time to get ready for the party. I'm so glad I was able to go. It was such a good time and I left feeling so blessed and "showered" by the ladies of our church. They put a lot of work and effort into making things cute and baby boy friendly! My mom, MIL, aunt, sister, niece, nephew, sister-in-law and my sisters MIL were able to join us too! We had a good time and I can't wait to see our baby boy in all of his new clothes! 

34 Weeks 3 days

I'm getting closer to the "safe delivery" zone with each passing day, which brings me great relief! I had my 34 week midwife check yesterday and was glad to go. Since having our stint in the hospital over the weekend  I have been feeling dreadful. However, to give any real symptoms is almost impossible. All I seem able to describe is that I feel like crap, cruddy, terrible, just not good. None of this is very helpful to the medical staff, and so I had been wondering how I would describe how I've been feeling at my appointment. I requested to have my cervix checked to be sure nothing more was progressed. My BP is great, the baby's heart rate is right where it needs to be, the baby is measuring right on track and my cervix is no more progressed than it was over the weekend. I did my best to describe how I'm feeling (or not feeling) to my midwife and she looks at me and says I "simply" have symptoms of a woman about to give birth.  Unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done and she said unfortunately I'll more than likely feel this way until the baby is born. Great...however, I'm relieved to know there's nothing serious going on. She assured me that if the baby should be born before 37 weeks he will be fine. Baby's can survive quite well at this point and though some are even able to go home when mom does, most end up staying in the NICU for a week longer.

So, what am I to do for now? Well, for the next 2 1/2 weeks I'm supposed to lay low, rest as much as possible, keep eating and drinking and just take it easy. After that I'm not to rest and let nature do it's thing! :) My midwife told me to take advantage of all the help I can get right now and then once I hit 37 wks to start doing things myself. :) :) And, should I start going into labor early they want to let nature take it's course anyway. I left feeling much more at ease and will do as they say.

God has a plan for this wee one, and I know he is in HIS hands. I'm so thankful for the medical care I'm being given. God has brought us to a great place and it's even equipped with a great NICU, should we need it.

Learning to Let Go

My grandma was a quiet woman, a loyal woman, a woman who deeply loved her family, had a strong will, a bit of a temper and red hair. She loved to watch Jeopardy! and seemed to know most of the answers. She always kept a yard stick by her chair to spank us, though I'm not sure she ever used it. And, my grandma was afflicted with Rheumatoid Arthritis. This disease is horrible, and not at all like "regular" arthritis where you have aches and pains. You have mind-numbing pain and basically your body is "eating" itself. My grandma had a fake knee, at least one of her hips was fake, her one elbow was fused into place and her fingers were gnarled and curled because of the RA. Because of all of these things, that only got worse as the years went on, she was unable to do much outside of the house. Many probably thought she just sat around watching soap operas and ate bon bons. My grandma was not perfect, and she had a disease that took away her outside beauty, but what many people didn't know was my grandma was a prayer warrior--the fiercest kind as far as I'm concerned. She prayed for everyone in her family, she was on the prayer chain for her church and she probably prayed for folks she didn't even know simply because they were dear to one of her loved ones. I guarantee she prayed for the salvation of unsaved family members as she was dying and taking her last breath. My grandmother had a mission field just in her living room, in her chair. She may not have been out doing stuff, but I believe my grandma did more for the Kingdom of God than most of us will ever do.

Another thing about my grandma, and this is what kept her alive for so long, was she had a HUGE stubborn streak in her! The woman was independent and she was not to be fooled around with! I have to be honest and say it could frustrate me to no end. It was so hard for me to watch her struggle to do simple tasks when I knew I could do it much faster and save her some pain (I NEVER once heard her complain about being in pain, by the way). I learned quickly that she did not want the help and she was not too pleased to be offered help! I learned that this stubborn woman needed her independence because so much had been taken from her. So much control had been lost due to a disease she didn't ask to have.

During this pregnancy I have come to relate to my grandma a lot more, especially where the stubbornness and independence is concerned. There are other areas I am like my grandma, but this one probably sticks out the most--just ask my mom! :) I have been sick with pregnancy stuff, sinus infections, viruses, etc most of this pregnancy and it has been so hard for me to ask for help. I have, on more than one occasion, overdone it and made myself sicker because I was just too dang stubborn to ask for help. However, I have come to a point in this pregnancy that for the sake of the baby I have to rely on others. I have to lose my the tight grip I hold on my independence and let others help me. I have to let my mom, sister, MIL, and friends come help me with Cora, with the house work, with laundry, cooking and grocery shopping. If I don't I could cause this baby to be born before it's safe. I could hurt myself and well, I just have to let go. I have had to say "no" to doing a lot of things for the health of the baby and myself. It has not been easy, and I've hated every second of it, but it's necessary.

What I found so frustrating in my grandma I have now come to appreciate. No, I don't have a horrible, debilitating disease and this pregnancy is coming to a fast end, but I can appreciate how hard it was for her to let go. I remember at the end of her life my grandma knew she could no longer do anything for herself--from going to the bathroom to fixing something to eat. I hated seeing this strong, independent woman have to give up things that were so simple. It was so hard to have to do those things for her, not because I didn't want to help, but because I knew what it must have been for her to have them done for her. As I temporarily give up some of my independence and ask people for help I'm trying to remember that it's OK, I'll live, and will probably be better off because of it. I love my grandma dearly and miss her so much even though she's been gone for several years. I appreciate the stubbornness and independence she gave me.

What do you need to let go of today, even if just temporarily?

Life's Surprises

Just when you think things are going fine life happens and things start to go unbalanced. Friday I spent the day down at my mom's house where my sister, nieces and nephew were as well. Cora needed to have the social time, needed to run around, and I needed to just rest. The day went pretty well, until I had a colossal melt down which resulted in me getting some contractions. I figured once I calmed down I'd be fine, but no. I have no idea if the melt down started things, or if this would have happened anyway, but around 8 pm I noticed the contractions had not stopped and thought maybe I ought to start thinking about paying more attention. I called my sister around 9 for advice and started to keep track and drown myself with water. I ended up calling my midwife around 10 because I was having contractions every 2-3 min, and they were lasting anywhere from 20-45 sec. They weren't painful, but definitely there. My midwife suggested taking a bath, keep drinking and hopefully this would solve the problem. It did and I went to bed. I slept about an hour, woke up to use the bathroom (thanks to all the water!), and couldn't go back to sleep. The contractions had returned and they were keeping me awake. I was also getting quite a bit of back pain. I began to pray. I mean, who wants to head to the hospital in the middle of the night for no reason--not me!!!!!! I asked the Lord to make it abundantly clear to me if I needed to call the midwife back (which I knew she would say to go to the hospital), or just let me fall asleep. Well, falling asleep did not happen, I called the midwife and we were on our way to the hospital at 2:45 on Saturday morning. I had a brief thought of maybe I should pack a bag, but didn't. One of the local pastor's wives who we've gotten to know came to sit at the house while my parents made their way up. I continued to have contractions all the way to the hospital, and I felt they were getting stronger, becoming more uncomfortable. We got to the hospital, up to labor/delivery and began the long diagnosing process.

I was checked over, hooked up to 2 monitors (1 for the baby's heartbeat and 1 for contractions). The baby was fine--praise the Lord--and I was most certainly having contractions. The midwife discovered that I am 60% effaced and a finger-tip dilated. She said my cervix felt like it was "labored," meaning I had been having contractions for a while. She wanted to wait and see if everything settled down on it's own without meds--for which I was very thankful--and we hunkered down for an undetermined amount of time. All in all we were released around 6:30 a.m. The contractions went away on their own, and I was no more dilated, which was really good. I'm to take life easy, doing only what absolutely must be done, rest and drink lots of water. I also need to make sure I eat as much as possible. My midwife told me that the anorexia was troubling. I was so shocked she said that and said, "I guarantee you I'm not anorexic!" She laughed, knowing I'm not anorexic, but explained that since I'm not gaining weight during the pregnancy like I should I need to eat more to get more calories. A possible cause of the contractions could be my body not getting enough calories and wanting to rid me of the baby since it's taking all the calories. So, I'm trying to eat more. How strange! Usually, I have to be so careful!!! I've been trying to eat as much as possible this whole pregnancy, but I guess it's not enough. I have found it strange that I've only gained about 10 lbs. although the baby is measuring just fine.

I have my next appointment on Thursday so I guess we'll see if anything has changed. We're curious to see if this baby comes early, of course just my "luck" he'll be late! :) David and I are praising the Lord that everything seems to fine, that Baby Sprout is growing and moving and doing his thing and I'm not any worse for the wear. I'm 34 weeks today, so that means another 3 weeks and I'll be in the safe delivery zone. My prayer is that Baby Sprout stays in for these next 3 weeks, then he's welcome to come out! :)  I'll be sure to get the hospital bag ready now...

May Days

Whining

Whiney, whiney, big behiney!!! Let me tell you, Cora has decided that the most appropriate what to communicate to her dad and I is to whine. Oh!!!!!! This just grates on my nerves and had been a HUGE source of frustration for all of us! We have spanked and done time outs and yet the whining continues. I will be SO GLAD when this phase goes away! With all this whining from my 2 year old I was forced to think about how we must sound to the Lord sometimes (all the time????). How must our prayers sound just like a 2 year old whining, not using words and just wanting to get his/her way. Nothing like your children to bring in perspective your relationship with the Almighty! Does this mean I just let her whine? No, but I think I need to remember her whining and how much it riles me and try not to be a whiner with the Lord.

I'm good at whining. I whine when I don't feel good, when I don't get my way, when I don't get to buy what I want, when life just isn't going my way way. Do you notice a trend? It's all about me and my way. Hmmm...sound familiar when it comes to parenting? My 2 year old doesn't get what she wants so she whines. I don't get what I want so I whine. Not a very good example to set.

The next time you feel like whining to our Parent, stop and remember just how annoying that sounds to your ears and think about what you might say before you say it! Let's not be a whiner! :)

Celebratory Weekend

This past weekend was a busy one, again, but a fun one! Saturday was David's birthday and though I had planned a surprise party for him, it didn't exactly work out that way. However, we had a great time anyway and he told me he felt well-celebrated! :) 

One of David's favorite types of restaurants is the Brazilian steakhouse. We discovered one on accident on a vacation to Cincinnati a few years ago. It was SO GOOD that we have kept our eyes out for others. We were able to go to one on our trip to NYC a couple years ago and so I thought, surely there's one here in the big city we live near. And, there is!!! So, my sister, BIL, David and I all piled in our van and went to the Big City and had a good time! (Oh, my wonderful parents took kid-duty for us!) Have you ever been to a Brazilian steakhouse? Well, let me tell you why my husband loves them so much! Because you can eat your fill (and then some) of meat--15 different kinds, to be exact! Well, 15 different preparations of meat. You are given a coaster when you arrive. One side is red and one side is green. As long as green is facing up these guys will come by your table with swords of meat and slice off some of what they bring, if you want it. :) It's quite the experience. There is also an extensive "salad" bar which offers pasta, cheeses, palm hearts, shrimp, etc. Because of the price of getting the salad bar and meat and the fact that my sister and I were in no way going to eat that much meat, we opted to only get the salad bar and sampled from our husband's meat! :) It turned out to be a great way to go. Our husbands almost had to be rolled out of the restaurant, and we had a great time being together. After dinner we went back to our house and had ice cream cake with my parents and the kids. Also, a fun time! 

Yes, I put 31 candles on the cake! :) David blew them out in one big breath... 

Sunday was, of course, Mother's Day! I had requested donuts (so I didn't have to make breakfast) and an uninterrupted nap. :) Well, I had made cinnamon rolls for David's b-day breakfast and we still had lots left over so I told him to skip the donuts and we had bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Church went well and we met my parents in their city for lunch. It was a good time spending part of the day with my mom. Due to church, waiting for food at the restaurant and running a couple other errands I didn't get the nap I wanted, but was able to cat nap in the chair while we let Cora watch videos. We spent the rest of the evening outside using our new-to-us table and chairs and let Cora run out energy before bed. It was a good day and I felt very loved and appreciated by David and Cora (and Molly too!). It'll be lots of fun next year to add Baby Sprout to the mix!! Unfortunately, I discovered yesterday we had totally forgotten to take any photos on Mother's Day. Sigh...next year! :)

Monday Blahs

It's Monday. That's all I have to say about that. I'm tired, tired of being tired, not feeling well, tired of not feeling well, and just feel all around discouraged. No particular reason, just do. It's gorgeous outside and yet I have zero energy to go out and do anything. I'm thankful for the new-to-us table and chairs we now have sitting on our back deck. I'm thinking Cora and I will be using that a lot this summer to do fun things!

I was telling my sister how I've not been feeling good again. I kinda feel as I did the last end of my 1st trimester--not fun! And, she tells me that it's not unheard of for women to revert to 1st trimester symptoms at the end of their pregnancy. Greeeeeaaaaaat...All I can say is I'm glad this is the end and not the beginning! So, again, I take it one day at a time. I have no other option, and really, this is all God requires of us anyway.

I'm not sleeping well, at all. Since I can't sleep on my right hip--due to the sciatica--I've been sleeping on my left hip for months now. It is now beginning to complain and is tired of being slept on! So, I have deemed this hip "Achy." During the night when the aching gets to be too much I roll 1/2 on to my back so that pressure is taken off the hip. This means more pressure is put on my right hip, or "Stabby," and I wake up with stabbing pain on my right side. It's not fun. I have struggled this whole pregnancy to not sleep on my back. For some reason that's all I want to do. Of course, at this point I have so many pillows that I'm not flat on my back so I guess it's OK. But, being on one's back means it starts to ache too with the weight of the baby, etc. Needless to say (but I will anyway!), I'm not getting sleep, which means poor David isn't getting sleep either. Thankfully, Cora and the dog are sleeping well!

So, there you have it. The Monday blahs have hit me hard today. My prayer is that today things get better, and I remember this baby is almost done "cooking!"

Water, Paint, Paper...Repeat...

Water...

Paint...

Paper...

But, please, don't let it get on my hands!

A Year Ago...

It's been 1 year and 1 day since we left MI and made our way to central OH. We didn't know how long we would be living with my in laws, but we knew we could no longer stay in MI, and we had to do something. Thankfully, we were only in temporary living for 5 months. It was a time of healing for us, a time to get to know David's new step dad and a time for my MIL and I to get to know each other even better! It was not a horrible time. We had a great time last summer, and I think in some ways we were all amazed! :) I mean, it's not always a great thing to have to live with your parents. However, for us it was a good experience. Don't get me wrong--we were most excited for David to get a job and for us to get out on our own again, but truly, those 5 months were good months.

Where has this year taken us? Well, we had a great summer, David got a job, we bought our first house, we found out we were expecting baby Hardin #2 and Cora turned 2. It's been a jam-packed, filled-up year! It's been a wonderful year full of new beginnings and blessings from the Lord. It's hard to believe it's only been a year since we left MI. We are so thankful for where He has brought us and from what he took us out of.

Who Am I, Continued

Yesterday I posted a music video of the song  "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns. Today I want to talk about it and why it has come to mean so much to me. Like I mentioned yesterday I have always loved this song, however in light of all I am working through and realizing about myself it has come to mean much more to me. The words are jumping out at me, and it's actually really neat to see how God is speaking to me through this song.

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt. 

I'm sure there are many of you (maybe all of you?) wondering how a loving God could let something like abuse (of any kind) happen to a person, especially a child. Trust me, I have wondered the same thing. But you know what? God was not absent in the abuse. See, I believe God gives us a free will, the freedom to make decisions. If he didn't how could he truly be a loving God? If we force a person to love us is it really love? No! Something my counselor pointed out to me was this: my abuser chose to use his free will to hurt me and others. God was not absent, he was there, knowing my name and feeling my hurt. He was there ready to wrap his arms around me and comfort me--at the time, in the years that followed and even now. The Lord of all the earth cared to know my name and cared to feel my hurt. 

Who am I? 

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Because of the sin of another I have chosen to live in some ways that is not pleasing to the Lord. The main thing being anger. I have lived a life so full of anger I have come to a point of hardly knowing how to react to things without it. However, God loves me so much that HE is not satisfied to have me live this way and looks at me with love and helps me to rise above all of the anger. He is helping me see that what happened to me was horrible and though many would say having anger is fine, but I can rise above this and receive HIS love and use HIS love to heal my sin. And, HE'S cheering me on as I rise above all this horridness and take hold of this area of my life that needs to go. He's watching with love as I throw this anger out of my closest and replace it with love. 

Who am I? 

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

This portion of the song goes along with the one above it. GOD Almighty is calming the storm in me. A storm which has been swelling and raging for 22 years. A storm that needs to pass on by. A storm that is no longer needed in my life. A storm that is being thrown out of my closest so I can replace it with peaceful waters. He has been calling for me through the rain and storm all these years and sometimes I have heard, sometimes I have listened, but finally, I am allowing His voice to calm me and not let the storm toss me about any longer. Just as Jesus calmed the sea for the disciples, who were terrified, he is calming my emotional storm and helping me rest in his quiet waters. 

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours. 

I am all these things--a flower, a wave, a vapor--we all are, actually. All things that last but a moment. And yet, our God above loves me so much that he hears me, he catches me and calls me his own. Just let that truth wash over you. I'm but a blip on the radar and GOD Almighty, creator of heaven and earth loves me so much he is not satisfied for me to just wither, or be tossed about, or disappear in the wind. He wants me to know he hears my cries and wants me to know he catches me. He doesn't want me to go about life not knowing how much he loves me. I have felt often that I was just falling through utter darkness to be caught by no one. But, this wasn't true, isn't true, never will be true. God is there to catch me, and the whole time I'm falling and calling out his name he hears me and is ready to catch me. 

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

Cause I am yours...

I am yours...

I do not to fear anyone, or anything, any longer. I have let out of my closet the horrendous behavior that was done to me. It no longer has a hold on me. I can see how much the Lord was with me, hearing me, catching me, loving me. I can say with certainty that I no longer need to fear because I am HIS!

Who Am I?

As I continue to fill my closest with things of the Lord I was reminded of this song by Casting Crowns, "Who am I?" What a fitting title! :) I have always been drawn to this song, I've probably made it a blog entry before, but now, it has more meaning to me. I'm going to attempt to attach a video of it and then have the words typed out so you can see the words as you listen. Tomorrow I'll talk about this song and it's new meanings to me. 

Who am I? 

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I? 

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours. 

Who am I? 

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I? 

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

Cause I am yours..

I am yours..