All I Ever Wanted to Know...

...about breastfeeding! We finally had our very first birthing class last night. It should've been our 3rd class, but with all the nasty MI weather we've been having the last 2 weeks were cancelled. So...we started off with a bang and learned about breastfeeding. I must give kudoes to my husband, who endured 2 LONG hours (for him) looking at photos and a video describing EVERYTHING about nursing and the possible problems, etc., all the while with naked breasts being flashed. I think all 4 men were uncomfortable. Apparently, I owe him big time, though he's not sure how yet. :) He'll manage. He'll be fine. :) I wonder what wonders behold us in the remaining weeks?

Fear...

Fear. It's something we all deal with at some point. Some deal with it daily, or hourly, some deal with it only with certain situations, others hardly ever feel fear. What is fear and why does it affect all of us so differently? As a Christian I don't have to be consumed with fear. I'm told in 1 John that "perfect love casts out fear." In Isaiah I'm told, "so do not be afraid." There are many Scripture references dealing with fear. God must've known this would be something we were going to deal with. I've always seen fear as a way for Satan to get into my mind and control me, so to speak. I am one of those people who could deal with fear on a daily basis. I seem capable of always finding something to be afraid of. I don't know why. I guess it's a matter of control. If I'm afraid of it then I have some manner of control. If I give it over to God, well then He's controlling it and then what will I do? I know, it's silly. But, aren't we humans silly beings?

I say all this because I have been dealing with a lot of fear this week. I thought I had worked through my fears of delivering this baby, going through the labor, dealing with the pain, dealing with the possibility (albeit small) of a c-section. But, apparently not. I have really been struggling with fear. I'm afraid of the pain that will be there, I'm afraid of the possibility of not getting through the labor without medication. I'm afraid of the giant needle that would be used to administer the medication. I'm afraid I won't have the strength to endure the process, that I'll give up and ask for a c-section and than that the doctor will actually say OK! I'm afraid that something will go wrong, that though everything has been routine thus far something will go terribly wrong in the end. I'm just plain afraid. I hate this. It's silly to me, in a way. I know that millions of women have gone before me in giving birth, in WAY less sanitary and ideal situations then I will be having. But, I still have fear.

Could it be that this fear is here so I see the need of my Father? Could it be that I need to open the Word of God and read the promises there? "Perfect love cast out ALL fear," "so take hold of my right hand and do not be afraid..." We have a great and mighty God. Yes, there WILL be pain, yes, it's OK to take the medication to ease the pain if I so desire, yes, a c-section just might HAVE to be done and yes, I'll live through all of it and so will the baby. I have a great doctor, a man who values life and values the mother who is birthing that little life. I have a good hospital with great staff to go to and deliver my baby. I have a wonderful husband who will be there with me through each step of the way. I have wonderful parents, sister and in-laws who will be "there" with me, praying and encouraging me (from the waiting room! :) ). But, more importantly, I have a God who loves me, has brought me this far, and will continue to help me. He promises to "never leave me or forsake me." He promises to love me and he is faithful. I have no reason to fear. As a child of the King I have Him on my side, He who is mightier than the beast (Satan) who is trying to paralyze me with fear. I don't have to be afraid. I have a God who is, and will be, right there with me. I hope you too can find peace in knowing you don't have to be afraid, trust in Him and He'll take care of the rest.

How Do I Love Him?

Let me count the ways...

I know we all think we married the best man in the world. And I truly believe I did! :) Marriage is such an interesting thing. Things you thought would be important you find aren't, and things you thought wouldn't be all that important truly are. Though David and I will be celebrating "only" three years next week and we're still babies at this, we have been able to learn a lot already! With each year that goes by I love this man more and more and become more and more thankful FOR him. I should probably wait and do this post next week on our anniversary, but I feel so overcome with love and gratitude for David that I can't keep it inside for any longer! OK, if you can't handle the mushy, you might as well stop reading now! :) :)

We tried hard for this baby that I am now pregnant with and will be delivering shortly. It was a struggle and we went through a whole range of emotions. There were times we thought maybe we wouldn't have children, or we would adopt, or...There was never a doubt in my mind that David wasn't just as heartbroken as me every time the pregnancy test showed a negative. He cried with me, hugged me, felt the pain just as much as I did. If I didn't know before, I certainly learned then, that this man has a sensitive and caring heart and desperately wanted to be a father as much as I wanted to be a mother. The day we knew I was pregnant was WONDERFUL!!!! However, I also felt some trepidation. I knew our lives would never be the same. It would never just be the 2 of us (and I'm selfish--I want him all to myself), my body was going to change, the way we prioritized our life was going to change. Change, change, change. Even good change is hard. I was scared. I didn't know how this was going to affect our marriage, etc. However, I have come to love my husband more and more throughout this pregnancy than I ever thought possible.

When I was puking up my guts for 4 months he was so understanding, kind, gentle. He wanted to take it away but knew I just needed to ride it out. He prayed for me, hugged me when I felt my worse, cooked his own supper (even asked if it was OK to cook this, that and the other--not wanting to make me feel sicker), cleaned the house, took care of the dog, etc. He did all this while fighting the insanity that was going on at the church we were serving at the time. He never complained, never made me feel less of a person.

With the 2 nd trimester I was feeling better, which was good. It was my turn to take care of him. And I did so willingly. His life became hell with all the junk at the church, his gall bladder giving out on him, and just the general turmoil that these 2 things were bringing to the family. Yet, he never complained. He still helped me out, got mad if I tried to lift/carry things, did what he could to help make my life easier.

Now we're at the end. My body continues to enlarge and become mutant-looking (at least to me!). You know what he said to me when I expressed my concern to him about this? He said I'm beautiful because it's our child I'm carrying and how could that make me ugly? Sigh...He has endured restless nights of sleep due to me not being comfortable (he now has to contend with an extra pillow in the bed), he has hugged me when my hip pain is paralyzing me, he continues to help clean the house, cook supper and do way more than his fair share. It thrills him to no end to feel our baby girl move, to see her move. If it's possible, he might be even MORE excited than me for this baby! :) He worries so much that he won't be a good father, that he knows nothing about little girls. He has no need to worry. He'll be wonderful! I know he'll love to have tea parties and play house and let his little girl put barrettes in his hair. :) He'll be great. He has no need to worry.

As we come to the end of this pregnancy and are preparing for the labor/delivery part I find myself not worried at all about how he'll be there for me during that final push (excuse the pun!). I know he'll be a wonderful support, he'll cheer me on and he'll cry just as much as me when we finally see our baby girl for the first time. I can't wait to see my David hold his little girl for the first time. Sure, there will always be uncertainty in life, life will continue to change and throw us curve balls. I'm just so thankful the Lord has given me such a wonderful man to walk through this crazy thing we call life and that we can do it together.

I love you David Austin!

Week 30...

Hello all! Yesterday started week 30 for me!!!!!!!!! I can hardly believe I'm at this point! I didn't EVER think I'd get to the 30s!!!!!!! Every day I am closer and closer to holding this little girl and it just excites me and makes me even more impatient!

I do have a prayer request. I know that every woman who has had a baby has had 1 or 2, maybe more, things that have been an extra "thorn" or burden during pregnancy. As you know I was very sick during my 1st trimester. My 2nd trimester was fine, and I was thinking during this 3rd one I'd just be uncomfortable--like everyone else--but have come to realize that's not going to be all. I have struggled with back and hip pain most of the pregnancy, but it was never anything horrible or unbearable. Well, my right hip has decided to take a turn for the worse. I am not exaggerating when I say I will be attacked with stabbing, searing pain in my right hip. It literally takes my breath away and paralyzes me until the pain goes away. I can't figure out what the trigger is, or how to make it stop. I do know that I can no longer sit on our comfy furniture (my husband's office chair is now mine), and I definitely can't sleep on my right hip (which is causing my left one to get a bit sore). I sit in my chair massager in the morning and when I get home from work (thank you so much Dad and Sue Hardin for getting this for me for Christmas!!!!). It helps to a certain degree. However, if the pain comes I can't sit down. The only thing that seems to help (to a SMALL degree) is to be standing. When I feel it coming I HAVE to stand, otherwise it's even more unbearable--if you can imagine. I'm not exaggerating any of this. It brings me to tears every time and each time the pain lasts shorter/longer than the last. It's so strange. I have decided to wear only my tennis shoes now, in hopes that this will help prevent the pain. I'm going to go see a massage therapist on Sat who I really hope will be able to give me some relief. I would appreciate your prayers. Pray that I am able to endure, pray that I have strength, just pray. I have never experienced pain like this before. Pray for David too. He feels completely helpless. At first we thought rubbing my hip during the pain would help. We quickly discovered that was NOT the case!!!!!!!! Anyway, pray that the next 10 or so weeks go quickly and that through each attack I have the strength to endure. And, I would be OK if you felt led to pray that the pain would just go away! Thank you!

Here's to being that much closer to hugging this baby! :)

Red is the color...

I remember a song from my childhood that said, "red is the color of the blood that flowed..." and it was about the blood that flowed from Christ as he died on the cross. Maybe this is why red has always been my favorite color. I have ALWAYS loved red. I can remember as a child loving it, and I am currently very happy that red is so en vogue. Just about anything is better in red, I do believe! Doesn't red make you feel happy? It's such a happy color. I remember some grumpy, old lady telling me once that red was the color of prostitutes and any good, Christian girl wouldn't like it. Bleh on her, I say! Red is a wonderfully, happy color! My eye is automatically drawn to anything red--kitchen stuff, cars, clothes, paint, etc. No, I wouldn't want my whole house done in red, but I do want to have at least one room dedicated to the color red! It's such a versatile color, there are so many shades and ways of using it. You can use it as trim or as the star of the show. Who doesn't love red? Anyway, I have changed my blog to reflect my love of red. Plus, in a couple weeks I'll be celebrating my 3rd wedding anniversary and then 2 weeks after that is Valentine's Day! :) I tell ya! From Christmas to Valentine's Day, it's a great time for red-lovers! :) :)

29 Weeks and Counting...

My brain isn't functioning too well today. I'm tired. I'm getting over a cold, I'm sore, and I guess I'm just a complainer today! But! I have much to be thankful for!! The baby is growing at a reasonable pace, I guess! :) She is currently supposed to be about 2 1/2 lbs. Not much growth from last week, but it seems to me she goes through spurts. Next week she'll probably be talking or something! :)

I have found the 3rd trimester has brought a whole new set of interesting things to deal with. In my 1st trimester I was SICK, SICK, SICK. I don't remember much more than the toilet and my pillow from that time. Glad to be through that stage! The 2nd trimester wasn't too eventful. I felt much better, was able to EAT and just seemed to be sailing along. Now it's time for the 3rd trimester. Probably, in a lot of ways the most challenging. I'm getting BIGGER (see photo), my hips and other joints are in way more pain (and try having little baby push on your sciatic nerve--yah, LOTS of pain involved there!!!), I'm starting to realize that for 30 years I've taken a good night's sleep for granted, it's challenging to put on socks, tie shoes, pick up anything I drop and shave my legs--just to mention a few things. :) The indigestion and heart burn are increasing and my overall level of comfort is going WAY down.

BUT! Enough complaining! There are also several things that are improving! I am loving this child more and more every day, my husband can now SEE and FEEL her move--she is one active little lady--my excitement to hold and hug her increases hourly, my fear of giving birth to this child is lessening ( I figure this is all part of God's divine plan--to make one so uncomfortable you don't care what it takes, just get the kid out!), and I can't wait to be a mom and see what this little baby is going to grow up to do/be one day. Will she be an astronaut, a ballerina, a mommy, the 1st female president of the U.S., a missionary, a millionaire? Who knows! It's very exciting to think about.

So, despite the discomfort, the pain (sometimes excrutiating) and indigestion I'm thankful for this baby. She is truly a miracle and a gift from God. I can't help but stop in wonder every day to see first-hand this miracle who is growing inside of me. Thank you Lord for allowing me this opportunity! I just hope I don't mess it up! :) :)

35, 2.25 & 31

I know, it's a strange title. :) But, all those numbers DO mean something.

First, the number 35 would indicate the number of years my parents have been married as of today! In a day when marriage is looked on as something temporary or something where minimal commitment is OK it's refreshing to know that there ARE still those out there who are committed to marriage and are very happy in their own! My parents are lovebirds, for sure! Sometimes we get grossed out, but seriously, I'd rather see them loving on each other than fighting or being mean and horrible. They have not been perfect in their marriage, it has not been without trials and angst, but what my sister and I have ALWAYS seen from our parents is their deep love of God, and then their deep love for each other. We always knew that no matter what our parents would work through their difficulties and differences and loved each other through it all. It has been a blessing for my sister and I to have them as an example of what a marriage is supposed to be. I know we have taken our observations and have tried to implement them into our own marriages. Thank you, Dad and Mom for loving God first, serving him, and through that, loving and serving each other!

The number 2.25 is how much our baby weighs now!!! 2.25 lbs! I had been saying all last week how I just felt huge and felt like I had grown so much recently. Well, apparently I have! Our little one has passed not only the 1 lb mark but is zooming her way to the 3 lb mark too! It's amazing to think about. She's also about 14 inches long. Wow!!!! She will be doing a lot more growing, I know, in these next 3 months, and I know I'll be getting larger and larger. Joy...Actually, there is a lot of joy involved. Now that we're out of our stressful church situation David and I have been able to focus on the upcoming birth of our baby and we are JOYFUL about it and so EXCITED too!! We can't wait to meet this little girl, hold her, look at her and well, the end of March can't come soon enough as far as we're concerned!

And, last but not least the number 31 is how old I will be tomorrow (January 6)! Since I have been able to get over my 30th birthday I suppose being 31 isn't any great feat! :) It'll most likely be a quiet day since we had a wee family celebration in Akron last week. But, birthdays are still fun and it's the day that is all about yourself and you don't have to feel guilty about it! :) I have always loved birthdays. Mom always did her best to make them special--a gift at breakfast, our favorite cake, we got to request our birthday meal, and we almost always had a party with friends and/or family. You ended your birthday feeling like the best and most special person in the world! I hope I can pass these things on to our children...

So, there you have it, 3 significant numbers. :) I'm not usually a numbers person but felt it was appropriate today.