Whining

Whiney, whiney, big behiney!!! Let me tell you, Cora has decided that the most appropriate what to communicate to her dad and I is to whine. Oh!!!!!! This just grates on my nerves and had been a HUGE source of frustration for all of us! We have spanked and done time outs and yet the whining continues. I will be SO GLAD when this phase goes away! With all this whining from my 2 year old I was forced to think about how we must sound to the Lord sometimes (all the time????). How must our prayers sound just like a 2 year old whining, not using words and just wanting to get his/her way. Nothing like your children to bring in perspective your relationship with the Almighty! Does this mean I just let her whine? No, but I think I need to remember her whining and how much it riles me and try not to be a whiner with the Lord.

I'm good at whining. I whine when I don't feel good, when I don't get my way, when I don't get to buy what I want, when life just isn't going my way way. Do you notice a trend? It's all about me and my way. Hmmm...sound familiar when it comes to parenting? My 2 year old doesn't get what she wants so she whines. I don't get what I want so I whine. Not a very good example to set.

The next time you feel like whining to our Parent, stop and remember just how annoying that sounds to your ears and think about what you might say before you say it! Let's not be a whiner! :)

Celebratory Weekend

This past weekend was a busy one, again, but a fun one! Saturday was David's birthday and though I had planned a surprise party for him, it didn't exactly work out that way. However, we had a great time anyway and he told me he felt well-celebrated! :) 

One of David's favorite types of restaurants is the Brazilian steakhouse. We discovered one on accident on a vacation to Cincinnati a few years ago. It was SO GOOD that we have kept our eyes out for others. We were able to go to one on our trip to NYC a couple years ago and so I thought, surely there's one here in the big city we live near. And, there is!!! So, my sister, BIL, David and I all piled in our van and went to the Big City and had a good time! (Oh, my wonderful parents took kid-duty for us!) Have you ever been to a Brazilian steakhouse? Well, let me tell you why my husband loves them so much! Because you can eat your fill (and then some) of meat--15 different kinds, to be exact! Well, 15 different preparations of meat. You are given a coaster when you arrive. One side is red and one side is green. As long as green is facing up these guys will come by your table with swords of meat and slice off some of what they bring, if you want it. :) It's quite the experience. There is also an extensive "salad" bar which offers pasta, cheeses, palm hearts, shrimp, etc. Because of the price of getting the salad bar and meat and the fact that my sister and I were in no way going to eat that much meat, we opted to only get the salad bar and sampled from our husband's meat! :) It turned out to be a great way to go. Our husbands almost had to be rolled out of the restaurant, and we had a great time being together. After dinner we went back to our house and had ice cream cake with my parents and the kids. Also, a fun time! 

Yes, I put 31 candles on the cake! :) David blew them out in one big breath... 

Sunday was, of course, Mother's Day! I had requested donuts (so I didn't have to make breakfast) and an uninterrupted nap. :) Well, I had made cinnamon rolls for David's b-day breakfast and we still had lots left over so I told him to skip the donuts and we had bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Church went well and we met my parents in their city for lunch. It was a good time spending part of the day with my mom. Due to church, waiting for food at the restaurant and running a couple other errands I didn't get the nap I wanted, but was able to cat nap in the chair while we let Cora watch videos. We spent the rest of the evening outside using our new-to-us table and chairs and let Cora run out energy before bed. It was a good day and I felt very loved and appreciated by David and Cora (and Molly too!). It'll be lots of fun next year to add Baby Sprout to the mix!! Unfortunately, I discovered yesterday we had totally forgotten to take any photos on Mother's Day. Sigh...next year! :)

Monday Blahs

It's Monday. That's all I have to say about that. I'm tired, tired of being tired, not feeling well, tired of not feeling well, and just feel all around discouraged. No particular reason, just do. It's gorgeous outside and yet I have zero energy to go out and do anything. I'm thankful for the new-to-us table and chairs we now have sitting on our back deck. I'm thinking Cora and I will be using that a lot this summer to do fun things!

I was telling my sister how I've not been feeling good again. I kinda feel as I did the last end of my 1st trimester--not fun! And, she tells me that it's not unheard of for women to revert to 1st trimester symptoms at the end of their pregnancy. Greeeeeaaaaaat...All I can say is I'm glad this is the end and not the beginning! So, again, I take it one day at a time. I have no other option, and really, this is all God requires of us anyway.

I'm not sleeping well, at all. Since I can't sleep on my right hip--due to the sciatica--I've been sleeping on my left hip for months now. It is now beginning to complain and is tired of being slept on! So, I have deemed this hip "Achy." During the night when the aching gets to be too much I roll 1/2 on to my back so that pressure is taken off the hip. This means more pressure is put on my right hip, or "Stabby," and I wake up with stabbing pain on my right side. It's not fun. I have struggled this whole pregnancy to not sleep on my back. For some reason that's all I want to do. Of course, at this point I have so many pillows that I'm not flat on my back so I guess it's OK. But, being on one's back means it starts to ache too with the weight of the baby, etc. Needless to say (but I will anyway!), I'm not getting sleep, which means poor David isn't getting sleep either. Thankfully, Cora and the dog are sleeping well!

So, there you have it. The Monday blahs have hit me hard today. My prayer is that today things get better, and I remember this baby is almost done "cooking!"

Water, Paint, Paper...Repeat...

Water...

Paint...

Paper...

But, please, don't let it get on my hands!

A Year Ago...

It's been 1 year and 1 day since we left MI and made our way to central OH. We didn't know how long we would be living with my in laws, but we knew we could no longer stay in MI, and we had to do something. Thankfully, we were only in temporary living for 5 months. It was a time of healing for us, a time to get to know David's new step dad and a time for my MIL and I to get to know each other even better! It was not a horrible time. We had a great time last summer, and I think in some ways we were all amazed! :) I mean, it's not always a great thing to have to live with your parents. However, for us it was a good experience. Don't get me wrong--we were most excited for David to get a job and for us to get out on our own again, but truly, those 5 months were good months.

Where has this year taken us? Well, we had a great summer, David got a job, we bought our first house, we found out we were expecting baby Hardin #2 and Cora turned 2. It's been a jam-packed, filled-up year! It's been a wonderful year full of new beginnings and blessings from the Lord. It's hard to believe it's only been a year since we left MI. We are so thankful for where He has brought us and from what he took us out of.

Who Am I, Continued

Yesterday I posted a music video of the song  "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns. Today I want to talk about it and why it has come to mean so much to me. Like I mentioned yesterday I have always loved this song, however in light of all I am working through and realizing about myself it has come to mean much more to me. The words are jumping out at me, and it's actually really neat to see how God is speaking to me through this song.

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt. 

I'm sure there are many of you (maybe all of you?) wondering how a loving God could let something like abuse (of any kind) happen to a person, especially a child. Trust me, I have wondered the same thing. But you know what? God was not absent in the abuse. See, I believe God gives us a free will, the freedom to make decisions. If he didn't how could he truly be a loving God? If we force a person to love us is it really love? No! Something my counselor pointed out to me was this: my abuser chose to use his free will to hurt me and others. God was not absent, he was there, knowing my name and feeling my hurt. He was there ready to wrap his arms around me and comfort me--at the time, in the years that followed and even now. The Lord of all the earth cared to know my name and cared to feel my hurt. 

Who am I? 

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Because of the sin of another I have chosen to live in some ways that is not pleasing to the Lord. The main thing being anger. I have lived a life so full of anger I have come to a point of hardly knowing how to react to things without it. However, God loves me so much that HE is not satisfied to have me live this way and looks at me with love and helps me to rise above all of the anger. He is helping me see that what happened to me was horrible and though many would say having anger is fine, but I can rise above this and receive HIS love and use HIS love to heal my sin. And, HE'S cheering me on as I rise above all this horridness and take hold of this area of my life that needs to go. He's watching with love as I throw this anger out of my closest and replace it with love. 

Who am I? 

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

This portion of the song goes along with the one above it. GOD Almighty is calming the storm in me. A storm which has been swelling and raging for 22 years. A storm that needs to pass on by. A storm that is no longer needed in my life. A storm that is being thrown out of my closest so I can replace it with peaceful waters. He has been calling for me through the rain and storm all these years and sometimes I have heard, sometimes I have listened, but finally, I am allowing His voice to calm me and not let the storm toss me about any longer. Just as Jesus calmed the sea for the disciples, who were terrified, he is calming my emotional storm and helping me rest in his quiet waters. 

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours. 

I am all these things--a flower, a wave, a vapor--we all are, actually. All things that last but a moment. And yet, our God above loves me so much that he hears me, he catches me and calls me his own. Just let that truth wash over you. I'm but a blip on the radar and GOD Almighty, creator of heaven and earth loves me so much he is not satisfied for me to just wither, or be tossed about, or disappear in the wind. He wants me to know he hears my cries and wants me to know he catches me. He doesn't want me to go about life not knowing how much he loves me. I have felt often that I was just falling through utter darkness to be caught by no one. But, this wasn't true, isn't true, never will be true. God is there to catch me, and the whole time I'm falling and calling out his name he hears me and is ready to catch me. 

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

Cause I am yours...

I am yours...

I do not to fear anyone, or anything, any longer. I have let out of my closet the horrendous behavior that was done to me. It no longer has a hold on me. I can see how much the Lord was with me, hearing me, catching me, loving me. I can say with certainty that I no longer need to fear because I am HIS!

Who Am I?

As I continue to fill my closest with things of the Lord I was reminded of this song by Casting Crowns, "Who am I?" What a fitting title! :) I have always been drawn to this song, I've probably made it a blog entry before, but now, it has more meaning to me. I'm going to attempt to attach a video of it and then have the words typed out so you can see the words as you listen. Tomorrow I'll talk about this song and it's new meanings to me. 

Who am I? 

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I? 

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours. 

Who am I? 

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I? 

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

Cause I am yours..

I am yours..