Lots of Thoughts

I have been in a contemplative mood the past couple of days--really thinking about everything that has transpired, developed and the ways in which the Lord has blessed us. It gets very overwhelming to think about it all, but since I'm a ponderer I'm pondering! :)

After the excitement of Sunday calmed down a bit in the evening I started to notice that I was panicking. What in the world? Why would I be doing that--I knew immediately. I truly believe it was a release of emotion that had been pent up for almost 3 years (because really, the year before we left Bankers things were rough). My mind started reeling thinking about all the bad things we had been through: car accidents, a rough pregnancy, being a working mom, not having much money, not having any idea when David would get a job/where it would be/would we go to another dysfunctional church? So many things. My mind was racing and as it raced I started to panic. It was as though I finally let myself think about it all. I finally let myself dwell, a little bit, on all that had gone wrong. You see, during those 3 years I felt I had to just keep going. My husband didn't have a job, he was severely depressed, and well, we felt very alone. I have written many blogs about all of this so I won't go into more detail about it. I will say this, I felt I couldn't take the time to really see what our situation was about because if I did I'd probably just crawl into a hole. I just kept going.

Sunday night I was plagued with one panic attack after another. As soon as one would go away another would start. I was terrified. Of what? I think I was terrified of all that had happened and maybe on some level terrified it will happen again. I had David sit with me and when I still felt panicked I asked my parents to come sit with us (we were at their house). Dad prayed for me after we talked a lot. I finally was able to fall asleep singing "I cast all my cares upon You..." over and over in my head.

The truth is, folks, that God has blessed us RICHLY!!!!!!!! I am so overwhelmed by all that He has done for us. Through everything that did go wrong, could've gone worse, God was right there. He was THERE. He never left. Even when I felt the loneliest, He was there. And He still is. He continues to bless us RICHLY. From David getting this job to every detail of our house-hunting/buying and now moving this weekend. Everything we've done to this point with the church, they have been so loving and kind. It's been a welcome relief and a HUGE thirst-quencher. Remember my post about walking in the desert? Well, we're out of the desert and we're in the land God has promised. I feels good; it feels refreshing.

God is good. And I have been through the fire, and I have lived to tell about His goodness. May I never forget the lessons he taught during this time in the desert. May I take those lessons to make my time in the promised land even better.